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5 Life And Training Lessons I’ve Learned From The Movie #1: “Crank”

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Crank is the balls. If you haven’t watched it, or you have and thought it was crap, check your fudging pulse because there’s a good chance you’re either dead, you’ve failed at life, are an homo-erotic fairy, or all three of them.

But for the uninitiated asking “What the fruit is the movie crank”? Oh, just a movie filled with non-stop over the top adrenaline, action, a man living off purely by hate and aggression, gun fights, a lot of nudity, revenge, and public sex. Sign me the fudge up.

Crank not only is the balls, but it can also teach us valuable life and training lessons. Which I will detail right now motherfudgers, and motherfudgettes. So strap on a clean pair of tighty whities, because shit is about to hit the proverbial fan and leave a huge stain of awesome. Starting with the first lesson!

 Crank Life/Training Lesson #1: Life/Training should be non-stop. If You stop, you die, fudger. Rest when you’re dead.

LIFE LESSON:

Every day people breathe for the purpose of breathing, and they might as well just be dead without any excitement or purpose in their life. Everyday should be a day of killing, dealing, and working towards your goal, whether that be a successful business, looking badass in a car with a badass body, or fighting and killing a 300+KG shark and beating it to death with your bare hands (1). Whatever the heck your goal is, make it so balls-shockingly awesome that it’ll be in the effect of if you’re a woman, you turn gay guys straight, and if you’re a man, gay girls straight, or that every single time you fail on your quest for greatness it will involve blood, a screaming naked 0rgy of goddesses and gods, and possibly a dragon. Not hydra. Fudge hydra.

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yeah, straight to the morgue to flat nosed, beady-eyed, pointy teethed dickhead.

TRAINING LESSON:

If you aren’t stomping around the place like goddamned god-zilla, or you’re mouthing off with intellectual bullshit about percentages, talking about that person on youtube who’s a pencil neck geek, and you aren’t doing the most bone-crushing, pants-shittingly awesome exercises and are on the machines like the fudging pec-deck. Go give yourself a petrol enema and light yourself on fire, immediately. There’s no reason training or to be alive if you can’t do deadlifts!

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Jon Pall Sigmarsson will come back down from Vahalla and decapitate you if you don’t do deadlift.

No resting, no complaining, no stupid crap about how your day was. When you’re in the gym, you train, you train hard, because there’s no time for stopping and resting for someone who wants to strike fear and be looked in awe, but there is time for stopping, resting and talking for someone who just wants to be like everyone else: that person who doesn’t stand out and no one gives to craps about. So go do some heavy frigging deadlifts on the floor or on the rack, many, many times, with hardly any rests in between your sets!

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but, if you’re doing it on the rack, you better be loading it up with some weight that makes the bar bend a little at least, and not too far up your knees

 

 Crank Life/Training Lesson #2: If You Aren’t Being Hated, And No One Is Shouting Expletives At You, On A Daily Basis, You’re Doing It Wrong.

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Guy had at least a good 100 Fudge you in a single day…This guy is obviously winning.

LIFE LESSON:

You can’t please everyone and everyone won’t agree with you. You can’t be likeable to everyone either. In fact, some people will hate you for no apparent reason without you even talking to them or looking at them. Maybe they just hate your face. I mean, there’s a lot of ugly motherdugers out there, and there’s people that just have a face to punch after all. Someone down the road from me is an ugly mofo that has a face I would, with great pride give it the Domingo make-over. But anyway, the lesson here is…WHO CARES WHAT PEOPLE THINK?

If you want something so bad, and you’re going to set those big goals, you’re going to have to pull life by the horns and fudge it’s mouth. The more greatness you achieve the more you’ll be hated, whether you do something ethically or unethically. People will criticize you (and it isn’t at all useful), but you know what? When you do start getting those people not liking you for you kicking ass when you’re done chewing gum, then you know you’re doing it right!

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He gets a lot of mouths running on internet forums, gyms, and coach potatoes the world over, but does a man who is deemed 6 times world strongest man, and is ripped to shreds give a crap who is spouting non-sense? No. You know why? He’s too busy lifting heavy shit and being awesome

TRAINING LESSON

If you’re the one checking out what the other guy is doing, then you’ve failed. But if you’re the one they’re checking, you’ve won. How does it become this way? By actually having a workout so hard that it strikes fear into other people’s hearts, by putting a level of intensity and effort that it makes children and adults weep, and you actually get results! Maybe right now people won’t take any notice of you. Maybe right now people will call you “fat” or “skinny” or “weak”. Guess what you need to do? Not go back talk them, but let your greatness silence them all. Let your great strength, your aesthetic body, make them curse your name in 5 different languages. It has to be 5 languages by the way. If it’s not at least 5, then go deadlift more.

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The Ferret. Some people know me by this fucking name. And many men have died cursing the name of El Huron… as they choked on their own blood and the blood of their families.

Crank Life/Training Lesson #3: Deadlines. They Have The Word “Dead” At The Start For A Reason.

LIFE AND TRAINING LESSON:

If you don’t have any deadlines, despite having a goal, chances are that you’re not getting anywhere, or you are, but at such a snail’s pace that you could almost watch paint dry…Meaning, it’s boring, and you’re being unproductive most days. Let’s put it this way, the word DEAD at the start is there for a reason. Seeing as I’m a bit cray, I believe the reason for that word DEAD in deadline is simple: You either get whatever it is done in that time frame, or you’re dead. If you REALLY WERE serious about something, and of course, you were realistic about it, making a deadline is saying you’re making the commitment.

The way I see things, if I don’t accomplish something I set in a realistic time frame, I do something so horrible I don’t want to do. An example was many years ago I wanted to get my first standing ab wheel roll out in one year at the bodyweight I was then (near 100kg). If I didn’t do this in a year, I vouched myself I would do 1000 Pushup burpees. I’ve done that once before in a workout itself, and I definitely did not want to do it again.

So everyday I focused on how I could improve on the ab wheel. I started on my knees. I found ways to progress best for me, which was do it on different inclines (hills, I went to a skate park, did it on someone’s driveway near middle of the night, no joke either! Just because that was the best incline for me, and I got caught doing the exercise once, and the guy wasn’t happy his wife was checking me out), I did it high-reps, low-reps, I did the movement every day, pushed when I needed to, backed off when I was too sore and went on an easier incline or just on knees, I worked on what was giving out long before anything else (like my lats and my shoulders), and I did this in the rain, I did this in the scorching heat, I did this on my birthday, I did this on special and important events, I did this in the early hours of the morning, I did this after 14 hours shifts, I did this when I had less than 4 hours of sleep.

Guess what happened? I improved, and I got that ab wheel roll out from standing position, when I couldn’t even do a full one from my knees the first time I tried it in just under 5 months! It was an ugly 2 reps, but I was determined and I did it!

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I’m still hovering near 100kg, and I can easily, any time of the week, no matter how sore do a roll out, even for an ugly few reps after deadlifts. So it surely wasn’t temporary strength I gained in those 5 months.

Crank Life/Training Lesson #4: Treat Your Goals Like Public Sex At A Horse Racing Course Or Asian City. If You’re Going To Give Them A Show, Give Them A GREAT Show, And If It’s Not Just Public Masturbation, Do It With Someone Who You Trust.

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I’m Alive!!!!

LIFE LESSON:

You come into contact with so many people during the day, unless of course, you’re inside a bubble at home living in the basement of your Mom’s house, are 41, and your girlfriend is one of those japanese sex dolls.

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Yes, virgins, these things exist.

Your body is a reflection on your own pride on your appearance, and your actions speak louder than words. Do something dumb, you’re a dumbass, and if you’re one of those whiny complainers that “used to have their 6 pack and bench press 500 pounds” but is “just lazy now because it was too much”, to instil that feel of fake superiority instead of actually doing that stuff, then you’re going to be looked upon as a whiny little female dog, who is insecure.

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chances are, you know someone like fat bastard off Austin Powers and they claim they “had abs once” and “an ex that looked like Eva Mendez” but doesn’t have pictures and can’t prove it at all. Or make excuses like “what you’re doing is too much” or “I could do that too if I didn’t have my penis shattered” or some story about Some sappy drama

You know what people want to see as well as you? No one that is mediocre and makes excuses. No, we want to see someone who is so frigging epic that no matter what is thrown their way they’re still winning, they’re still grinning, and they rock a 20ft hard while they bang their bae in front of everyone. Which brings me to my next point: You better have your Bonnie or your Clyde. Your partner in crime. Someone you trust, especially. If you were to do this all by yourself, lone wolf style, like me I guess, then that’s one thing, me against the world, motherfudgers, do it, and be great at it. But if you were to have someone else be your business partner for instance, they better be as awesome as you and be someone who sticks around with all the crazy stuff, and not leave you high and dry. No, you disappear, they’ll find your anus. You do crazy over the top stuff, they’ll do one better.

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TRAINING LESSON:

If you’re at a gym, then of course, at one point or another, some goof is going to look at you and what you’re doing, and if you plan on posting pictures of you working out, showing your muscles or posting videos on youtube, you bet the world is going to see. So if you’re proud right now of your 14 inch arms, your 40% bodyfat, your less than bodyweight bench press and deadlifts for reps, do yourself a favour, get stronger first and don’t embarrass yourself. If you’re going to post, do something at least respectable first. But for those that are posting pictures and videos of that description, and proceeding to tell everyone is on steroids and that they know it all…Well, you can go clone yourself…so you can go fudge yourself.

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works out apparently. Says he has jacked calfs and indestructible ankles.

Training partners usually suck. They muck you around, they get in your way, and all they’re good for is either just to be a piece of eye-candy, or use as a punching bag in between your sets of burpees.

Like I said, I’m lone wolf and love training alone. But, if you were to have a training partner they better work as hard as you do. No slacking. You want someone that’s either going to do one of these 3 things:

1) Promise you the wildest, kinkiest, sex after the training session if you get in there and fudging hammer the weights, lift that weight and set that new PR, which they’ll also expect you to give them if they in turn do the same with the weights

2) They, like you, are going to tear it up, and if you aren’t in the mood to tear it up, they’ll swear at you, call you a wussy, say that you’re a disgrace to both your parents and should never have been born because you’re a disappointment to them both for saying you don’t want to do burpees or deadlifts today and would rather use the pec deck and do homo-erotic concentration curls. And, even though they promise they’re going to spot you, they rather you frigging die or lift that weight yourself in a life or death struggle.

3) They’ll do both 1 and 2 to you.

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When I have training partners, I usually have two.

 

Crank Life/Training Lesson #5: You CAN Live Off Purely By Hate And Aggression

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LIFE AND TRAINING LESSON:

Live/Train Aggressively, and you’ll be living/training right. Hate takes you far. Aggression keeps you alive.

In conclusion? Watch the movie or go kill yourself!

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NOW, LIKE MY FACEBOOK PAGE BY CLICKING HERE If you too, will attempt the “wheel barrow”.

Ceps Weston Domingo is a Melbourne personal trainer in Australia and nutritional consultant, he has his own private training studio called PDH Fitness that you can train at by signing up by clicking HERE or visiting the homepage PDHPersonalTraining.com.au

 

Copyright © Ceps Weston Domingo

 

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Reference: http://www.smh.com.au/articles/2003/10/24/1066631598678.html

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