Alcohol for the health and gainz!

A note before we begin with this; There is going to be some of you that can’t control your alcoholic tendencies, and there’ll be those of you that are strict teetotalers, and I know you’ll persist on the idea to be-little what’s written on here, in which I’ll save you the trouble by saying; Calm your nipples down. This isn’t an article to say you should drink till you can’t figure out what day it is, who you are, and why you’re laying naked, in a room full of condoms, surrounded by guys and gals in clown masks and $5 bills.


If you woke up like this and weren’t a stripper, and that wasn’t your bed nor were you even inside the house for that matter…well, you know you done messed up.

Drink responsibly, and reap the rewards if you chose to drink, otherwise, here’s your chance to go read something else before you tell me “I didn’t have a chance not to read it”. With that said, onward to the goodness!

Alcohol’s brief history of importance and awesome

Starting all the way to 7000 BC, if not the first, but certainly one of the earliest forms of alcohol, Jiahu, a place in China, site of a neolithic settlement, near the yellow river in ancient China, are found Jars containing an alcoholic beverage that was a rice mead, which was produced by fermenting honey, rice, and fruits (4).

Alcohol was important to the Chinese Dynasty, the Zhou, and they believed that use of alcohol in moderation was believed to be prescribed by heaven, and it appears their emperors were alcoholics.


These mofos must have had some parties, and probably drank so much that they’d long lost the meaning of being sober….Hence the reason why they look like each of them are going to straight up murder you in this photo

Alcohol is of course, is not just limited to the Chinese in the early days, every warrior culture since time started has had some form of alcohol to fuel their bloodlust on the battle field, their sexual rewards, and make tribes dream of ambitions and stories. While there’s a lot of warrior races that are supremely badass, here’s a few:


The Vikings: The Vikings had their main drinks of Mead and Ale. “Mead was for the great and grand occasions, for the temple and the ceremonial; ale was for the masses and for all times” (Gayre and Papazian, p. 88).


The Mongols: Kumis, which is a fermented product traditionally made from Mare’s milk, is the drink of choice for the horseback riding warriors such as Ghengis Khan and Attila the Hun. (2)


The Roman and Greek warriors: Their choice was wine. They all were aware of the consequences of drunkenness, but they also believed it had many health benefits and cures such as “depression, memory loss and grief, as well as bodily ailments, from bloating, constipation, diarrhea, gout, and halitosis to snakebites, tapeworms, urinary problems and vertigo”. They also used the wine in religious festivals that included animal sacrifices and orgies (3).


Samurai: The Samurai, which is arguably the most disciplined warriors of old, drank an alcoholic beverage called sake. They drank this out of ceramic cups called O-Choko, and they drank the beverage, before battle as a bond and promise to each other to be victorious or honorable in death, and they drank more after a victorious war campaign. How much did they drink? Well apparently, legendary Samurai warrior Uesugi Kenshin, in which apparently, a Japanese Anime modeled after him, allegedly drank himself to death and his death poem was “Forty Nine Years; One night’s dream. A lifetime of glory; a cup of sake” (5).

Gods of alcohol: Alcohol was such an important aspect of days past, that there was even Gods and Goddesses made for alcohol. The list is very long and feel free to look them up in your own time! Here’s a few:


It’s great to make wine naked.

Aegir: Brewer of the Gods. This guy brewed for Myths like Thor, and brewed for various Norse Gods. Man was a good host.


He clearly doesn’t know where he is right now, nor does he know how he got that wicked earring. He’s probably got a penis tattoo on his back.

Acan: Mayan God of alcohol. Apparently is a funny and clumsy, foolish drunk.


Dinoysus: son of Zeus and Semele. A god that had the idea that under the influence of wine one could feel possessed by a greater power. He probably made it a rule if you didn’t have a drink in your hand at one of his parties, that probably resulted in an orgy, you were going to get a roundhouse kick to the head.


No caption needed for this one. Use your imagination here.

Albina: She was the Arcadian, British and Irish White Barley Goddess. One of the first modern microbreweries in the U.S. Was named after her. She probably had her patrons make a habit of having tavern brawls, which are super fun.


I’m aware this the goddess ceres, but I could say this is probably what she’d look like in human form. Plus she doesn’t get fat off pasta. Sophia Loren is the name, lads.

Ceres: One of the most important Gods to the Romans. Her name means Barley Mother, or Mother Earth. Goddess of argriculture, and the harvest. In fact, the Spanish word for beer, cerveza was actually taken from her name, and being part Spanish, I know we rule, and so does this Goddess.


Jesus: Worshiped to this day as a God, and makes everyone drink wine as a symbol of his blood (that’s pretty metal). I’m aware he’s not a God that purely was made up for drinking, but I thought I’d just point out he liked wine, and if that pisses a few Christians off in the process, oh well.

Now that we can see Alcohol has been of great importance in history, let’s move on to the modern day, a brief listing of benefits of alcohol consumption (and I’ll have to get more in depth with certain types of alcohol for other posts).

Alcohol Health Benefits

Believe it or not alcohol can have benefits for your health.

  • It can offer cardiovascular health benefits (7,8)
  • Can help decrease one’s intake of food (9)
  • Can help improve insulin sensitivity by better Glycemic control (10)
  • Postworkout, it can INCREASE testosterone (11) (more on this soon)
  • Can actually have a significant effect on health for people with poor health habits (that means no exercise, smoking etc) (12).
  • Helps good gut bacteria thrive. Red wine can help as a PRE-biotic (NOT probiotic, don’t get that confused!) (13)

For those that want to get more detail, Highlighted in bold are some of the main benefits quoted and more;

Beer contains small percentages of the recommended daily allowance of vitamins and significant proportions of the recommended daily allowance of trace metals and minerals. Wine, while possessing significantly smaller amounts of vitamins and minerals than beer, has considerably more iron. Both beer and wine have a favorable potassium to sodium ratio...explanations for moderate alcohol’s cardioprotective effect include: associated diet changes in moderate drinkers, the silicon content in wine and beer, decreased platelet aggregation and coagulation, and the ability to lessen stress and/or alter personality patterns associated with CHD risks. Dry non-sweet wines and diluted distilled spirits have been recommended in the treatment of diabetes. It has been suggested that alcohol may improve glucose tolerance and blood glucose response to ingested carbohydrates. Due to reported decreased HDL values in diabetics, alcohol has been suggested as useful for its HDL-increasing function.” (6).


Want one way to be the king of the pub? Carry in the beer like this, and replace those men with women that look like Sophia Loren (above).

What About Alcohol Decreasing Testosterone, Killing Me, And Giving Me Chlamydia?

Before any of you start giving me hundreds of scientific literature saying alcohol is bad for you, yes, I’m aware it is. IF DRUNK TO EXCESS! All the health benefits seem to come from two things;

  • Moderate consumption
  • Straight alcohol and no mixes

In a paper that I referenced in the benefits section, where I said it can actually increase your testosterone levels, that paper says the “eight resistance trained men…aged 21-34” had their “total and free testosterone elevated significantly” and that “there were no changes to SHBG, and cortisol”.

How much did they drink? 1.09KG/Lean body mass!

That’s an INSANE amount! Let’s put it this way. If I had 85KG of muscle on me (my lean body mass) that would mean I would need 92.65Grams of pure alcohol!

So I can apparently drink that much post workout and have testosterone sky rocket without any of the negative hormones that destroy my gainz come about? Apparently.

Then with this, there’s one thing to note;

“The more of a jacked badass you are, the more you can drink”

Yup. I’m totally calling it.


Budwiser commercial old school style. Maxick, a badass, with a beer in one hand, presses up his promoter with the other hand (who weighed near 200 pounds I think) in front of an audience. He then saved the world from a zombie apocalypse by defeating a zombie overlord who was the carrier, rode off on his dragon, and impregnated a whole harem. true story.

Of course, as a side note, that amount can definitely not be great on the liver, so of course take precaution. That bit of research tells me (apart from striving to be more jacked so my body can be more indestructible to things, like alcohol), you need not worry about your hormones going out of wack after a hard training session if you want a scotch.

Side note before we continue: The participants were strength training (poorly mind you, on a smith machine, for 10 reps). It appears that if you were to do circuit based training it would not confer the same benefits as mentioned above. Sorry cross-fitters.

And so what about alcohol killing you in the long run and giving you chlamydia for you birthday?

As mentioned, drink responsibly. Don’t over-do it, and you’ll reap rewards. Chances are, if you have a crappy diet, and are on drugs, you’re not going to benefit and you’ll be worse off, especially if you drown yourself in sorrows with booze because you’re a wussy.

Just like how over-eating can kill you, even with “healthy” foods, you over-eat and you’ll do yourself a massive disservice. It’s no different to alcohol intake.

Heck, over-do water intake and that can kill you too (no joke, a person did a drinking water competition, drank 6 liters of water in 3 hours, and died (14)), but we all know that water is essential and very beneficial for us otherwise.

As for the chlamydia, well, don’t go sleeping around with the $2 hooker that you see on a shady ally-way, and while I’m feeling in a non-lynching, helpful-but-still-hate-everything kind of mood here’s one of the best life advice I’ll give you.

Are you listening? Good!!

Don’t sleep with Strippers named, Tiffany, Candy, and Amber, They’ll give you either the herpes, aids or crabs,

Don’t sleep around with Crystal, Charity, or Diamond they’ll take all your money.

Sleep with Bambi or Star. One has daddy issues, the other one is great for the camera. 

And Jennifer. It’s her first night there.


You can thank me later.

There’s a lot to be covered here still. So in upcoming posts I’ll detail

  • how you can use and time alcohol consumption to further benefit you with muscle gain and weight loss (do a complete re-write of an old blog post)
  • and what the benefits are with certain types of alcohol 

In the mean time, if you want to drink, go ahead and drink! Just don’t be an idiot, die in the process and get an STD, and you’ll reap the rewards!


A good night.

Like my Facebook page by clicking HERE and subscribe for updates, for a good night out/in (ha! Good night in…That’s what she said)… If you don’t….you’ll end up the next morning like this;

Pain Doesn’t Hurt


References: 1) Gayre, Robert and Charlie Papazian. Brewing Mead: Wassail in Mazers of Mead. Boulder, CO: Brewers Publications. 1986.



4) McGovern, Patrick E. (2003). Ancient Wine: The Search for the Origins of Viniculture. Princeton: Princeton University Press. p. 314. ISBN 0-691-07080-6


6) Baum-Baicker C. (1985). The health benefits of moderate alcohol consumption: a review of the literature. Drug Alcohol Depend.

7) Huang, P.H., Chen, Y.H., Tsai, H.Y., Chen, J.S., Wu, T.C., Lin, F.Y., Sata, M., Chen, J.W., Lin, S.J. (2010). Intake of red wine increases the number and functional capacity of circulating endothelial progenitor cells by enhancing nitric oxide bioavailability.

8) Chiva-Blanch, G., Urpi-sarda, M., Ros, E., Arranz, S., Valderas-Martinez, P., Casas, R., Sacanella, E., Llorach, R., Lamuela-Raventos, R.M., Andres-Lacueva, C., Estruch, R. Dealcoholized red wine decreases systolic and diastolic blood pressure and increases plasma nitric oxide: Short communication.

9) Kokavec, A. (2008). Is decreased appetite for food a physiological consequence of alcohol consumption?

10) Arima, H., Kiyohara, Y., Kato, I., Tanizaki, Y., Kubo, M., Iwamoto, H., Tanaka, K., Abe, I., Fujishima, M. (2002). Alcohol reduces insulin-hypertension relationship in a general population: the Hisayama study.

11) Vingren, J.L., Hill, D.W., Buddhadev, H., Duplanty, A. (2013). Postresistance exercise ethanol ingestion and acute testosterone bioavailability.

12) Britton, A., Marmot, MG., Shipley, M. (October, 2008). Who benefits most from the cardioprotective properties of alcohol consumption–Health freaks or couch potatoes? J Epidemiol Community Health.

13) Queipo-Ortuno, M., Boto-Ordonez, M., Murri, M., Gomez-Zumaquero, J., Clemente-Postigo, M., Estruch, R., Cardona Diaz, F., Andres-Lacueva, C., & Tinahones, F. (2012). Influence of red wine polyphenols and ethanol on the gut microbiota ecology and biochemical biomarkersAmerican Journal of Clinical Nutrition



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