Enter the spider chicken! The hazards of genetically modified foods!

The hazards of genetically modified foods (GMO foods)

Spider chicken rape

Oh that chicki-dee doesn’t know this spider is going to go all venom on it’s ass….and probably bust a few spider webs on it’s beak. I don’t think all the other chickens seem to care, either.

Before I talk about the hazards of GMO and why you should strive for going the natural food route I want to ask you a serious question. What do you get when you have a spider at a fraternity party, that has a little fun with the drunk comatose chicken on the couch?

Your bloody answer that’s what! Anything natural in nature that is chemically altered or tempered with should be pretty obvious that it isn’t good for you, and that it’s wrecking havoc to your body. Would you willingly eat a chemical knowing that it is a chemical (and we’ll get into ingredients in other posts like THIS one I did on why soy makes you a female dog)? Of course you wouldn’t! So why eat foods that are genetically modified from it’s original state too then?  Genetically modified foods being healthy just doesn’t make sense!

Okay, so what do you REALLY get when a beastly and hairy bastard of a spider has it’s way with a luscious chicken? You get this….

spider chicken

This thing is real. This is made in China. I’m not kidding either. What the utter fudge? It’s flocking Chinese spider chicken!

I get a text from this luscious beauty that I call JeJe which apparently means dick head in Chinese but I could be wrong and she showed me that this THING, is what they are making for their chicken burgers in China! Look at this fudging thing! It’s going to replace that naked man in a bra and skirt in my nightmares!

Can you imagine this thing? Literally. Imagine it for a second! What if one day you woke up and you felt something on your face crawling, and you wake up and see that it’s not a spider, and while a spider is bad enough, it’s the Father-fudging SPIDER CHICKEN! Jessica Alba’s nose hairs! Just coming home to it one day would be enough to make me call for help! If I saw that thing in the middle any room of my place as soon as I enter that room, with it gawking at me, ready to lunge with it’s 6 legs, I’m going to fight like my life depended on it!

If you still aren’t convinced by that spider chicken anushole, let’s get on to why genetically modified foods is something you should avoid!

What exactly is a GMO food?

“GMOs, or “genetically modified organisms,” are plants or animals that have been genetically engineered with DNA from bacteria, viruses or other plants and animals. These experimental combinations of genes from different species cannot occur in nature or in traditional crossbreeding.” (1)

With this explanation you should stop here already!

3 examples of genetically modified food

Genetically modified foods soy

Soy. mmmmm Look at that estrogen raising meal!

Genetically modified food #1: Soy

Soy is first on the list here. As if soy wasn’t bad enough! Here’s something shocking:

According to the report, 18 million farmers use GM plants worldwide. Along with the USA and Canada, especially emerging economies like Brazil, Argentina, India and China grow them…” Soy is used for 79% and more of the GMO foods! (2) and in fact in the U.S alone “90 percent of soy in the U.S. is genetically modified” (3).

So that tofu you thought that was healthy? Not only is it the equivalent of you taking a transvestite back to your hotel thinking it was a girl (tofu is just like a transvestite. Pumped with soy, disguised as a meat substitute but can never be), but now it’s pumped with other health destroying benefits that comes with all the genetic modifications! Imagine what spider-man would be if he even touched the stuff!


Vegans! What have you done to spider man! Spider man this is entirely your fault! I told you not to eat that tofu! Now look at you! Not only did mutate your chest into moobies, your stomach into a black hole, but you have no penis! Go back to your homosexual lover, Eduardo! You disgrace me spider-man! You disgrace me…

 Genetically modified food example #2: Sweet corn

“Scientists have genetically modified sweet corn so that it produces a poison which kills harmful insects. This means the farmer no longer needs to fight insects with insecticides. The genetically modified corn is called Bt-corn, because the insect-killing gene in the plant comes from the bacteria Bacillus thuringiensis.  “(4)

That’s right! You read right! They produced a corn that’s badass in the sense that it produces it’s own poison. A poison so strong you’d kill your girlfriend if you didn’t brush your teeth for a week.

Genetically modified foods corn

The corn to the right (Corn B) is angry at the corn to the left (Corn A) because Corn A, messed with his pumpkin soy bread, and you don’t mess with Corn B’s pumpkin soy bread…also Corn A had kinky corn sex with his corn girlfriend.

 Fruits and vegetables

“Strawberries, pineapples, sweet peppers and bananas have all been genetically modified by scientists to remain fresh for longer.. Scientists today can genetically modify tomatoes without inserting genes for antibiotic resistance. However the first genetically modified tomatoes contained genes that made them resistant to antibiotics. Doctors and vets use antibiotics to fight infections” (4)

That’s right, you’re probably taking antibiotics without knowing it too! Here’s a very huge difference in my experience with fruits and vegetables that aren’t tempered with versus ones that you’d commonly know:

I have a few crops of vegetation on a farm I have. The fruits and vegetables would last maybe 3 days the most before it would spoil and I’d have to throw it out. Not only that, but when you do taste it you’d taste it being “richer”, whether that’s it’s own unique taste or the fruits taste much more sweeter.

Now when I go buy fruits that are poor quality in the store because they’re cheap and I’m not where the farm is (it’s in a different country), the fruits aren’t as sweet. The fruits and vegetables can last me a week! A whole entire week! Not only this but the size and shape of these vegetables and fruits look too good to be true, and the ones that are natural are, well, tough looking, and are unsightly to look at sometimes.

Genetically modified foods tomato

This is called a butt-tomato. sexy ain’t it? The guy squeezing it is obviously a winner in life.

If we take soybeans for example that are genetically modified versus ones that aren’t, they too, would share the same qualities of the experience I outlined: “According to the study published by ScienceDirect, not only do glyphosate GMO soybeans retain higher traces of glyphosate, but “Organic soybeans showed a more healthy nutritional profile than other soybeans.The study also says that even though organic soy contained less fiber and omega-6, that organic soy “showed a more healthy nutritional profile than other soybeans.”(5)

So with a few examples out of the way, we can cover what are the potential harms of genetically modified foods (if you haven’t already thought about what they may be yourself).

The potential harms of genetically modified foods

First of all, what’s already just mentioned was a substance called glyphosate. So what exactly is glyphosate? Glyphosate is a toxin that kills weeds.

For those of you that orgasm to various chemicals according to wikepedia: “Glyphosate (N-(phosphonomethyl)glycine) is a broad-spectrum systemic herbicide used to kill weeds, especially annual broadleaf weeds and grasses known to compete with commercial crops grown around the globe.” (6)

Holy christmas tree! Where exactly are you bound to find such a substance?  Mainly processed foods. So anything from that hotdog you eat at that ball game, that packaged meat you got at the groceries, or anything else that is deemed as processed foods (such as the examples of GMO food I outlined).

Is glyphosate that bad? After all, our body is frigging badass. We can detoxify that stuff we wanted too, and there’s no way those traces of weed killers would be in me right? Prepare to be dazzled.

“Urine samples were collected from volunteers in Austria, Belgium, Bulgaria, Croatia, Cyprus, Czech Republic, France, Georgia, Germany, Hungary, Latvia, Macedonia, Malta, Poland, Spain, Switzerland, The Netherlands, and the UK. A total of 80/182 samples tested were found to contain glyphosate. Volunteers were all city-dwellers and included vegetarian and non-vegetarian diets. No two samples were tested from the same household. The samples were analysed by Dr Hoppe at Medical Laboratory Bremen in Germany.” (7).

So is glyphosate that bad then? Let’s see just how bad this thing is raping your insides.


  • glyphosate possessed estrogenic activity (8)
  • Glyphosate exerted proliferative effects only in human hormone-dependent breast cancer, T47D cells (8)

In a study I’ll quote two things firstly “we found that glyphosate at a log interval concentration ranging from 10-12 to 10-6 M increased the cell proliferation of a hormorne dependent breast cancer T47D cell” (8)

What this means in english is that the cancer is grown faster.

Secondly: “glyphosate-contaminated soybean products as dietary supplements may pose a risk of breast cancer because of their potential additive estrogenicity” (8)

That’s frigging despicable! Some of the cancer powders recommended have the ingredient soy in it, and I’m betting it isn’t organic either! What’s more is, next time you do go to the store and check out all those packaged and processed foods, or budget ones for that matter, count how many you find have the ingredient soy “or may contain soy” on it! You’d be amazed!

This of course, is one of the many chemicals I’m sure that are lurking around pesticide and processed rich food. One could write for days of every chemical found but I’m sure you got the picture with just one. But now, let’s further look at just how bad this stuff really is, and if you should reach for that hot dog or budget canned fruit (the answer, for the idiots among us, is no).

The DNA from Genetically modified crops CAN and WILL be transferred to whoever eats them!

Think the body can break these chemicals down so easily? Apparently, even if the DNA fragments are quite large in the genetically modified organism foods, they actually can avoid being broken down and enter your system!!

“During digestion proteins and DNA are thought to be degraded into small constituents, amino acids and nucleic acids, respectively, and then absorbed by a complex active process and distributed to various parts of the body through the circulation system. Here, based on the analysis of over 1000 human samples from four independent studies, we report evidence that meal-derived DNA fragments which are large enough to carry complete genes can avoid degradation and through an unknown mechanism enter the human circulation system” (9).

If something can bypass your system that easily, and especially something large then that can obviously cause a host of problems! This can mean (and is also documented) things such as:

  • Having tumors (10)
  • Various types of cancers (just like breast cancer as said above) (8).
  • Stomach inflammation and enlarged uteri! “Scientists randomized and fed isowean pigs either a mixed GM soy and GM corn (maize) diet for approximately 23 weeks (nothing out of the ordinary for most pigs in the United States)…GM pigs had uteri that were 25% heavier than non-GM fed pigs. GM-fed pigs had a higher rate of severe stomach inflammation with a rate of 32% compared to 125 of non-GM fed pigs” (12). Keep in mind that pigs do have very similar digestive tracts to that of humans. So basically, you might find yourself with a steroid looking belly one day if you keep this up!
Genetically modified foods stomach

Not a steroid belly of course, 100% all naturaly gaiiinnnnnzzzzz. Holy crap though…ladies must love this guy. While some guys say “here hold my beer I can do that” this guy says “I can do that. I’ll hold my beer”

What about the studies and authorities saying it’s safe then?

Anyone can exaggerate the truth and lie. Here’s a sum up on what the “studies” are for the ones that say genetically modified foods are fine:

The risk assessment of genetically modified (GM) crops for human nutrition and health has not been systematic. Evaluations for each GM crop or trait have been conducted using different feeding periods, animal models and parameters. The most common results is that GM and conventional sources include similar nutritional performance and growth in animals. However, adverse microscopic and molecular effects of some GM foods in different organs or tissues have been reported…More scientific effort is necessary in order to build confidence in the evaluation and acceptance of GM foods” (15).

So in other words, they themselves don’t even know if there’s even some good sides to it for 100% certainty to even make it acceptable to consume! Do you want to eat something that you don’t even know is good for you, that you use to kill plants and has potential to kill of insects? I don’t! Having said that though, this fine list makes it perfect if you’re plotting to get revenge on someone! Who knew you could cause so many bad things to someone overtime by inviting that ex significant other of yours to your place to have corn?

Genetically modified foods chipmunk

Advantages to all the bad stuff in genetically modified foods? You get to kill off your significant other’s annoying pet mysteriously. I’m talking about the one that tore your favourite boxers up, or crapped on your sofa.


What’s the solution then?

You have two options at this point.

First option:

Run away from civilization, start your own cattle and vegetation farm far away in a desolated land that you own barricaded far away from society that’s off the grid electrictiy powered only by the sun and hamsters running on hamster wheels and find the hottest person you can find (y’knw…for helping you around the farm). Or alternatively you could marry a farmers daughter?

Genetically modified food farmers daughter

That prospect of marrying a farmers daughter and running away from society doesn’t seem like a bad prospect actually. Especially if the farmer has a whole farm land full of girls like these. Heck sign me up!

Although the prospect of marrying a farmers daughter and having fun with many of his daughters wouldn’t happen with the father around especially if he’s ornish. Seeing as Ornish people are somewhat superstitious you could try scare him away? A scary enough devil prank would be enough I’m guessing…Although, if that farmer just happened to be Chuck Norris, you’re screwed.


Or realistically you could do option number 2:

Eat natural foods and stay away from (GMO) genetically modified foods! Go visit farmers markets, go visit organic food shops and buy in season when they are cheap, read the label of things etc.

Better yet, why no start planting your own vegetables and fruits? You can plant fruits and vegetables even if you live in an apartment with no backyard!

Not only will you get fresher fruits and vegetables, richer in minerals and vitamins, you know what you actually put in it, you can be responsible for how good of quality it will grow, and not to mention, you’ll save money too.

If you want a few basics, essentials and tips for organic container gardening you can check out a little idea guide I wrote HERE. But other than that, I’m sure it’s straightforward planting things!

So to sum everything up, eat as natural as possible, avoid all the chemicals, oh and spider chicken.

 Better quit eating those genetically modified chickens because soon they’ll be so intelligent they’ll KNOW what’s going on and they’ll take over the damned world and kill every human being that’s eaten one of their genetically modified kind. Especially that spider chicken. That gobdamned spider chicken. Damn you and your 6 legs to hell!






1) http://www.nongmoproject.org/learn-more/

2) http://www.gmo-compass.org/eng/agri_biotechnology/gmo_planting/257.global_gm_planting_2013.html

3) http://www.organicauthority.com/health/what-are-the-safest-nongmo-soy-products.html

4) http://www.bionetonline.org/english/content/ff_cont3.htm

5) http://guardianlv.com/2014/04/dangerous-levels-of-roundup-found-in-gmo-foods-across-u-s/

6) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Glyphosate

7) BUND, FoE. (June 12 2013). Determination of Glyphosate residues in human urine samples from 18 European countries. Medical Laboratory Bremen

8) Thongprakaisang S1, Thiantanawat A, Rangkadilok N, Suriyo T, Satayavivad J. (2013). Glyphosate induces human breast cancer cells growth via estrogen receptors. Food Chem Toxicol. Sep;59:129-36. doi: 10.1016/j.fct.2013.05.057. Epub 2013 Jun 10.

9) Spisák et.al. (2013). Complete genes may pass from food to human blood. July 30. DOI: 10.1371/journal.pone.0069805

10) Seralini, G., et. al. (2012). RETRACTED: Long term toxicity of a roundup herbicide and a Roundup-tolerant genetically modified maize.

11) http://earthopensource.org/files/pdfs/Roundup-and-birth-defects/RoundupandBirthDefectsv5.pdf

12) http://www.organic-systems.org/journal/81/8106.pdf

13) Samsel, A., Seneff, S. (2013). Glyphosate’s suppression of cytochrome P450 Enzymes and amino acid biosynthesis by the gut microbiome: Pathways to modern diseases.

14) Paganelli, A. (2010). Glyphosate-Based Herbicides produce teratogenic effects on vertebrates by impairing retinoic acid signaling. American Chemical Society. DOI: 10.1021/tx1001749

15) http://static.aboca.com/www.aboca.com/files/attach/news/risk_assessment_of_genetically_modified_crops_for_nutrition.pdf


Ceps Weston Domingo is a personal trainer and nutritional consultant, and best selling author of the 30 day paleo weight loss plan, 30 day paleo slow cooker recipe cookbook, and The ketogenic diet weight loss plan and recipe cookbook: How to lose weight fast, meal plans and 50 recipes the low carbohydrate way


Copyright © Ceps Weston Domingo


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