How to become a regular sleeping beauty (or brute): 18 tips on How to sleep better


Sleeping has fun times.


In the previous article I detailed why sleep is important for fat loss, muscle gain, cognition, memory, impotence and in general just make you a depressing person to be around (Not mentioned in the article is that lack of sleep can actually age you!) Now with that out of the way we can talk about HOW you can sleep better, and dream vividly of 3 boobied women from total recall



Yes that is a 3 boobied woman. Yes that is the guy from breaking bad also. My dreams are pornos.


These two things are the most important. So let’s see what you can do with lifestyle first

#1. FRIGGING TRAIN! Get off your ass cheeks and be active! Being active WILL help you sleep better not only that but When you exercise, the effect of you training lets you burn fat much more during sleep since it increases the sleeping metabolic rate significantly (1).

#2. Try get to sleep at the same time you always do. Doing this will train your body to want and expect the sleep.

#3. This is going to probably be hit with resistance but give up the coffee. Coffee is a good tool for things when you need it but it certainly isn’t something you should have everyday. You will begin to rely on this. Are you that weak of a person that you cannot use your own damned body to do things and instead rely on something in a mug? Coffee is a drug and will keep you alert. If you are a chronic coffee drinker, reduce it gradually, and don’t drink caffeine at least 6 hours before you go to sleep.


Image credits: Coffee and cigarettes by romanceletters

If this constitutes as your breakfast or dinner and you tell me you have problems sleeping….argh.

#4. Stop eating and drinking junk. This might sound like an attack to some of you personally, and if it is, I make no apologies, I’m just that kind of asshole, but if you have no will power at all to say no to a burger, no to eating all that candy and no to being an all round fat ass because of all the food, then you deserve to be the way you are right now. People will say it’s hard to give it up, and I can totally understand it’s an addiction but if you have zero will power to not eat a pizza everyday and wonder why you’re so screwed up not being able to sleep because you have 5 of those energy drinks a day along with it then you’re quite frankly an idiot. For everyone making an effort though I applaud you.

#5. Stop going on the internet and stop watching television after 9PM. It amazes me how hard this one is to do. People cannot just put the remote down, turn their cell phones off or in other cases stop watching porn till the early hours in the morning (c’mon, what else would be on T.V. After 12 and why would you have your lotion as well as tissues conveniently next to you). Do this one thing and you’ll be amazed how your mind would just shut up. The sooner you turn off the T.V. The better though.


Image credits: internetby anj100


#6. Optional, it could work though: read FICTION books! Not books that will stimulate your mind and teach you things but FICTION. If you read things that will make you think then of course, your mind will keep chattering away, but if you read a fiction novel before you sleep you’ll find (at least I do) that it really relaxes you and it makes you sleepy (This is true for me even with enthralling thrillers). Also might as well squeeze this one in make sure your pets aren’t going to mess up your sleep either.


Image credits: Sleep is for the weak by kangel


#7. Don’t have fluids right before you sleep! 30 minutes before you sleep even! Want a sure fire way to wake up in the middle of the night and multiple times thereafter? Have a water drinking contest with friends! Even having a glass of water at night though will be enough to wake up most people.

#8. Relax! Don’t be so stressed. Have a warm shower before you sleep, get out whatever troubles you, have sex with your significant other, whatever it is, relax when you sleep!

#9. Don’t have any electronics next to your bed or even in the same room as you. This of course is for the addicts among you, but for 99% of you that own a bed, what this could also mean is the radioactive frequency of your computer, T.V. etc. can cause harm to your health with the metal springs you lay on! The electromagnetic waves is enough to keep you up.

#10. Eat carbohydrates and tryptophan before you sleep. For the ketogenic dieters among us, for most they find that they don’t have problems sleeping, and even have a better time sleeping because they cut out the junk foods, but also have an influx of tryptophan containing foods (walnuts and pumpkin seeds are very good sources of foods for tryptophan and you should eat them before you sleep). However, some ketogenic dieters will find that they will experience insonmia or not have much sleep as they should and that can also be the lack of carbohydrates (so if you are a ketogenic dieter, just keep in mind you can have carbohydrate days once a week or twice a week depending how lean you are and what your goals are). Carbohydrates produce serotonin, and in turn will produce melatonin. These two substances are needed for sleep. Ever feel like wanting sweet foods or junk when you are sleep deprived? Now you know!

Though I already mentioned this in my last post, it’s worth mentioning here again for the skeptics.

Serotonin-releasing brain neurons are unique in that the amount of neurotransmitter they release is normally controlled by food intake: Carbohydrate consumption–acting via insulin secretion and the “plasma tryptophan ratio”–increases serotonin release; protein intake lacks this effect…However, serotonin release is also involved in such functions as sleep onset, pain sensitivity, blood pressure regulation, and control of the mood. Hence many patients learn to overeat carbohydrates (particularly snack foods, like potato chips or pastries, which are rich in carbohydrates and fats) to make themselves feel better…” (2)

Moral of this point on how to sleep better? Eat carbohydrates with tryptophan foods! Raw milk is a very good source of tryptophan and has a great carbohydrate influx also. Raw milk is awesome for post workout shakes too, who needs a protein powder?

#11. The position you lye in when you sleep is also important. Sleeping on your back or sides is the way to go. I have no clue how anyone even sleeps on their stomach. Having a comfortable place to sleep in is the difference between night and day (ha see what I did there?) for most people.

#12. Make sure there’s no light and that the room is cool. Light will negatively effect your deep sleep, melatonin production, and your transition from wakefulness to sleep.

#13. Have sex. Sex is great. I’m not kidding about this either. Having sex will help you sleep better. Don’t have a partner? Masturbate. Sounds ridiculous I know but trust me it’ll help you sleep. Don’t look at porn though, just rub one out about that hot person you saw down the road, she/he won’t know.


Image credits: Every time you masturbate… Sn1p3rz

You see there is some good out of masturbation. It helps you sleep, and it helps kill off kittens, one thing I hate in life.

#14. Lose FAT! Seriously, if you have a lot of fat on you it can cause problems with airways and it takes energy just to keep you alive with all the weight you carry every day. And for the love of all things holy, it’ll help you stop snoring like a wilderbeast. I can understand if someone was really tired after a super intense workout combined with an intense workday but I bet if you snored every night and shared a bed with someone she’d think you’re an anushole, and will have problems rolling you over because you’re so damned heavy. (Yes useful tip for people that have partners that snore, roll them to their side it’ll help them stop snoring. Now you don’t have to stuff their face with a pillow).

#15. Take care of your posture. If you have bad posture think of what that’s doing to you in every day life! When you walk, when you play sports, when you train and yes when you sleep! If you have very bad posture I can only imagine how many times you would toss and turn in your sleep.

#16. DONT HAVE A LOW PROTEIN DIET! Having a low protein diet CAN alter your sleep negatively!

After a 48-h low-protein diet, 17 healthy volunteers received either a tryptophan-free mixture of amino acids or a placebo at 10:30 A.M., in a randomized double-blind cross-over design, resulting in a 77% decrease and 41% decrease of serum tryptophan at 3:30 P.M. and 9:30 P.M., respectively…The results show that midmorning rapid tryptophan depletion (RTD) delays REM sleep latency (this means it delays the transition from wakefulness to sleep) during following night-time sleep, whereas evening RTD shortens REM sleep latency in previous studies, and suggest that the serotonin control of REM sleep latency is upregulated.” (3).

No wonder why some vegans are just anus holes. Sleep deprived are we?

#17. Switch your night shift to a morning shift. This can seriously screw up your internal body clock for rest.

#18. Count your breaths. Try get to 100. If there’s any other thought than your breathing then you have to start back at one. I find this very useful.

Now with all that out of the way we can talk about supplements. There’s only one supplement I would recommend…



If you already suffer from insomnia and are already active, lean, do have ample protein and followed all guidelines I gave above then I suggest supplementing with melatonin. Let’s say you have shift work and of course that is one of the most common instances where people do suffer from insomnia, if that’s the case “Synchronisation during shift work can be improved by melatonin supplementation and manipulation with light:dark cycles and food regimens” (4).”

Not only that but melatonin also has a few other benefits such as “…a promising therapeutic agent for IBS (irritable bowel syndrome) with activities independent of its effects on sleep, anxiety or depression. Since of its unique properties Melatonin could be considered for prevention or treatment of colorectal cancer, ulcerative colitis, gastric ulcers and irritable bowel syndrome.” (5).

If you want to check it out one that has a reasonable doseage and price click here. Just like with all the supplements I researched and recommended as tools to help rectify certain situations however, it is NOT necessary. Doing something as simple as eating good foods and getting rest when needed away from electronics in a nice cool room with no light and limiting your stress, doing all this consistently might just be good enough! Of course activity helps immensely too!

So there you have it! You now know how to sleep better! Eat tryptophan rich foods and carbohydrates at night, sleep around the same time, get off the internet and T.V. Abstain from Caffiene and have rough kinky sex with your significant other.





1)Mischler, I., Vermorel, M., Montaurier, C., Mounier, R., Pialoux, V., Pequignot, J.M., Cottet-Emard, J.M., Coudert, J., Fellmann, N. (August 2003). Prolonged daytime exercise repeated over 4 days increases sleeping heart rate and metabolic rate. Can J Appl Physiol.

2)Wurtman, R.J., Wurtman, J.J. (1995). Brain serotonin, carbohydrate-craving, obesity and depression. Obes Res. Nov;3 Suppl 4:477S-480S.

3)Arnulf, I., Quintin, P., Alvarez, J.C., Vigil, L., Touitou, Y., Lebre, A.S., Bellenger, A., Varoquaux, O., Derenne, J.P., Allilaire, J.F., Benkelfat, C., Leboyer, M. (2002). Mid-morning Tryptophan depletion delays REM sleep onset in healthy subjects. Neuropsychopharmacology. Nov;27(5):843-51.

4)Herichova, I. (2013). Changes of physiological functions induced by shift work. Endocr Regul. Jul;47(3):159-70.

5)Thor, P.J., Krolcyzk, G., Gil, K., Zurowski, D., Nowak, L. (2007). Melatonin and serotonin effects on gastrointestinal motility. J Physiol Pharmacol. Dec;58 Suppl 6:97-103.



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  • Roxanne

    Reply Reply April 26, 2015

    That is a really good tip particularly to those fresh to the blogosphere.
    Simple but very precise information… Thank you for sharing this one.
    A must read article!

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