I never wanted to be a “Dad” anyway…

WARNING: This is an offensive rant. If you’re easily offended then go watch spongebob, because you’ve obviously took a wrong turn and you’re in the wrong hood…

Let’s begin.

Being a Dad sucks. I’m not talking about being a Dad to a kid either, I’m meaning possessing the required “Dad bod” and pulling some females, because, females love that stuff.

“A Dad bod you say?” Oh what you didn’t know? Haven’t you noticed lately? Apparently, all the girls are about that “Dad bod”, which yes is missing a y, and is short for Dad body.dadbod2

Alright slow the fudge Mc-Nugget right down…What in big foot’s nose is the Dad bod exactly?

A girl by the name of Mackenzie Pearson of, describes the Dad bod as the following:

“The dad bod is a new trend and fraternity boys everywhere seem to be rejoicing. Turns out skipping the gym for a few brews last Thursday after class turned out to be in their favour.”

And that:

“The dad bod is a nice balance between a beer gut and working out. The dad bod says, “I go to the gym occasionally, but I also drink heavily on the weekends and enjoy eating eight slices of pizza at a time.”

A lunatic named Ceps Domingo that does stuff at PDH Fitness HQ describes the Dad bod as:

“A fat slob with no will power and a beta male attracting beta females and making a beta female look better”


“an ugly muthafudger who is content on being less than mediocre and has no regard for their well-being and physical appearance”.


behold, the Dad bod. The one that apparently girls go crazy over for

The whole article (which you can find HERE) is offensive. Not only is it saying this is what a woman should think, what they should love and it paints a picture of how all women are (it basically says all women are shallow and like being the center of attention) but it says “it’s okay to be mediocre”.

If you’re asking what exactly is wrong with this, and you don’t see anything at all wrong…then you have quite clearly failed at life, and possibly need to commit Harakiri, because we don’t need any more lazy slobs in this world with the sole purpose of making some insecure person feel better about themselves. We want winners.

Let’s explore this body a bit more shall we? It appears the author has stated reasons (what a shocker) as to why the Dad body is loved by girls so much. Of course, I’m just that much of an anushole and while I’ve certainly heard some really stupid stuff before….Let’s face it…This is right up there.

So here’s what I’m going to do…I’m going to rebuttal the crap out of the reasons originally stated. Let’s get right down to it then, shall we?

Reason for Dad Bod #1: It apparently doesn’t intimidate

“…we still like being the center of attention. We want to look skinny and the bigger the guy, the smaller we feel and the better we look next to you in a picture.”


I’m sure anyone’s going to look good next to this person…Holy crap quick! Capture it!

Reason for bullshi*: You’re insecure

I got news for you and anyone for that matter. You aren’t the main character of any story. The world doesn’t revolve around you. Why should you even care about being the center of attention and be bukkaked by cameras and eye rape anyway? If it’s that important to you to be the center of attention, to be most popular to every single person you meet, and every event you go, then you yourself have some serious issues and I’m quite frankly surprised the guy is even with you in the first place when it’s just”me, me, me!!!” all the goddamned time.

I can see some of the comments in that article saying “it’s not about insecurity”….


Don’t be this girl.

So you’re saying, the fatter the guy, the skinnier you feel? If you can’t feel comfortable being around someone who takes pride in his physical appearance and that’s intimidating for you, then maybe you should have better standards, take better care of your own self and not lower yourself to a lazy slob JUST so you can feel better. You’re not attracted to someone who’s got the body type, you’re attracted to someone you can be better in every way.


Being “intimidating” has it’s benefits anyway.

Reason for Dad Bod #2: The Cuddling (I’m not joking)

“No one wants to cuddle a rock…”

Reason why it’s Bullshi*: HAHAHAHA!!!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA….wait…HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Okay then. A rock huh? No one wants to cuddle with someone with muscles you say?

Well it’s better to be on the surface floating on those “rocks” rather than sinking into the dark warm abyss of blubber I say!


Go ahead…Hug it. By the way, I have no idea what these guys are doing, but they all have that Dad Bod and are seemingly drinking the fraternity boy punch so, go ahead ladies, have a party with these studs and have a gang bang and drown in their man blubber to your heart’s content.

Reason for Dad Bod #3: You know what you’re getting

“…if he already has the dad bod going on, we can get used to it before we date him, marry him, have three kids. We know what we are getting into when he’s got the same exact body type at the age of 22 that he’s going to have at 45.”


Reason why it’s Bullshi*: The only thing you know you’re getting is a lazy bum.

You know what you’re getting? You’re getting someone who can’t get off the sofa, play playstation all day, get drunk, party, and can’t put the fork down. Plain and simple.

Judging a book by it’s cover you tell me?

You predicting what someone is going to look like based on their physical condition at the age of 45 from 22 is probably one of the worst judging of character I’ve heard! You’re literally saying that guy is going to be a fat (if not fatter) slob who you expect to never change his habits of drinking, partying, eating 8 slices of pizzas at a time, and eats out because he’s a lazy slob and rather not do any kind of meal prepping. I bet the guy doesn’t even bother cleaning up either. So you basically share my same sentiments then of what you’re getting yourself into then.


Him at age 22 and after at age 45. Possibly with 3 kids. Still cannot see his penis.

You know what’s great about the human body? It’s appearance. You might not be able to tell how strong someone truly is, you might not be able to fully grasp just based on looking at someone how great they are preforming in sports, or how smart they are, but you know what you can tell just by looking at someone that’s actually got some muscles and not much body fat? That it’s a reflection on them being at least dedicated in something and it shows their determination. You know what a body of a strong man with at least a decent physique tells you? It’s a reflection of their will power.

You’re out there for the whole world to see, and if someone were to look at me, I rather they look at someone who does actually take pride in their physique rather than someone who looks like a sloth, or have this “Dad bod”.

One more point too: three kids? You want three kids, you better make sure the guy is a good role model. I highly doubt the guy would be a great role model being drunk, playing play station, sitting on the sofa rather than going outside with his kids, and I can only imagine what he’d feed them. $8 pizzas every night of the week huh? At least his kids will have a Dad bod too and be certified studs because that’s what the girls go for now.


Then again…I could be wrong. A lot can happen. I mean transformations like this are possible in 12 weeks…imagine the transformation in 23 years!

The bottom line: Striving to have a Dad Bod is worst than being one of the victims of the human centipede

If you think that’s harsh and ridiculous, well, this whole thing is. You see, if you’re one of the victims being turned into a human centipede where you’re going to be forced to eat literal crap, and have your face surgically attached where the sun don’t shine, quite obviously, you have no choice in the matter but to eat crap right? Nothing can be done about that. You’re screwed either way. We can all understand that.


There’s three movies I’ve heard.

But you willingly looking like a walrus and doing a mating call to attract girls to the lull of your flab, and willingly looking like crap is something I never can understand. You have free will, and you’re willingly making yourself mediocre. That’s worse than a person who actually wants a damn chance.

You have your own opinions and I’m sure there’ll be legions disagreeing with me, and for that, feel free to, you’re entitled to your own opinion, and preference, but don’t waste your breath typing to me, you can’t convince me there’s any good out of this, and neither can I or will try convince you that willingly having a Dad bod is anything other than absolutely absurd.

On that note, I’m doing some pushups, and eating a nice big steak, adios, and remember, it sucks to be on the sofa and weak.

PDH Fitness AKA Pain Doesn’t Hurt


Now, Like my facebook page by clicking HERE and subscribe to this site if you rather transform into the hulk and be a beast over having a Dad bod and being like shrek.



Ceps Weston Domingo is a Melbourne personal trainer in Australia and nutritional consultant, he has his own private training studio called PDH Fitness that you can train at by signing up at the main page


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