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Vegetarian Myths #2: Vegans have better sex

Vegetarian Myths: Vegans have better sex

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You might think this is a ridiculous topic, and you know what? You're right! To even think that practically over 90% of vegans spout that 100% of them have better sex than the evil meat eaters, is the most ludicrous statement in the history of man kind. For those of you thinking, "c'mon ceps, surely there's no vegans out there that seriously think that!" Then be prepared to be gobsmacked by the ugly stick of non-justice at one of PETA's Videos for starters:

Yes, you DID just see that, YES that was from PETA, and YES that lady did just lick a pumpkin, and the other lady got aroused by a broccoli who gives the hint, foreshadowing if you will, of the non-sanitary things that will become of it (She's going to put the broccoli in her VaJay and possibly other places...probably eat it after too, probably how she gets her B12 in appreciable amounts.)

EDIT: Video above no longer exists apparently, so, have this offensive video from peta instead where meat eaters apparently have worse sex, should die because of worse sex, and possibly indicate a small penis worthy of the guy with said penis to lynch himself:

I'm sure you all know by now PETA is a household name with the support of Vegans. So you can pretty much see from that, the absurd statement that I made with many, many vegans believing such a claim holds some meat (ha!). Still don't believe me you say? Let's have one more video which is a good way to start the whole "why is it that Vegans have better sex" claim?

Why do vegans have better sex (according to a vegan)?

Here's the list in a nutshell according to this guy:

  • They smell better, according to every study ever, scientific studies, apparently, vegans smell better
  • Vegans taste better...because they don't have decomposing flesh in them...
  • Here's my PERSONAL Favourite: "Vegans have strong dongs"..because they don't have decomposing flesh, and meat eaters are clogging things up in their blood,
  • Increased stamina...Because, energy and, energy..yeah, pure energy.
  • Increased "sensitivity"....Didn't really give a reason for this so I'm just going to assume it's because he doesn't eat meat blah blah...but he gives points such as "wouldn't you want a guy to stimulate your intellect"? Plus also sensitive skin? This has got to be my 2nd most favourite reason.

Here's some other gems of wisdoms from this guy: You go low fat with your foods, if you don't eat meat and eat raw fruits and vegetables you'll have the best hormonal balance and another bold claim: EVERY scientific study in the history of mankind has pointed to one thing: Vegans have better sex than meat eaters.

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Apparently, their dongs are SO magic that their dong can now cook a BBQ and clean for them. Heck, they don't even need to have sex because the moment their dong gets happy it already produces a new life! It even skips childhood and puberty!

By the arm pits of saint Louis! He even goes to state that "please let people know vegans have better sex, so people know, so ladies can choose who their mates are"....What? Why would you need to possibly tell people this? When it comes to claims, I'm not much of a talker, I'm a doer. If I can't do something, and have never done it, I never talk about it, if this unbelievable sex with vegans thing were all it's cracked up to be, then guess what? You wouldn't need to tell anyone anyway, people would know!

Also telling people that vegans have better sex to help spread the word so ladies and men can "choose who their mates are" seems desperate, or just plain moronic. You know why? Because all you have to do is JUST FLIPPING ASK THEM! Even better than that, you won't need to because if you went on a few dates you'd know anyway!

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Let's get on to the debunking shall we?

Do vegans smell better than meat eaters?

Yes and no, no and yes. That's your answer. Want a really simple explanation? Sure. It really all depends on the food you eat and lifestyle you have. If you're doing a ketogenic diet, where you have no carbohydrates then of course you're going to emit a smell and anyone, not just vegans would probably smell better than you. What if you smoke, drink, take drugs? No matter if you're vegan or not, you're going to have the stench of it. What if you work with chemicals, or are a plumber (not the type that fixes the women's pipes thank you)? No matter what you tell me, you're going to STILL have some sort of smell!

Here's a fact for you, Vegans CAN and DO smell bad too. When one overeats too much fiber, and if you choose to have beans in your diet, and very heavily rely on them to replace the protein sources of meat, then you're going to have gas. Is gas going to smell good or bad? Yep you guessed it. How about when someone sweats? Again it's to do with lifestyle and food.

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Why is it a meat eater just has to purely eat meat anyway? Last I checked someone can eat meat, fruits and vegetables, and if one were to eat garlic they'd smell like garlic, and if one were to eat celery they can make the smell be tolerable or disappear somewhat.

The bottom line when it comes to if vegans smell better than meat eaters?

It's a stupid absurd claim. Fact is, if you want to tie this up to vegans having better sex in the bedroom, I rather my girl smell like a delicious steak than a kale any day of the week! I would attack that woman!

Do vegans taste better?

Taste better? Seeing as I'm not a cannibal I can't exactly say, I'm sure no one has exactly scientifically tested a vegan vs a meat eater by chopping them up and tasting them. But then again, I don't spend all my time on the internet so it could well be a possibility.

With that being said, I'm guessing this means tasting better in the bedroom when one goes down on the other and gives them the sippy-sippy, lickidy-lick, flipty-flip, and dunking-dees....well...eat a goddamned pineapple, or more fruit and you'll taste better down there too. If you live a healthy life-style, don't eat junk food then I'm sure there won't be an ungodly stench down-stairs. And yes, trade secret for those of you that eat pizzas with their date, go Hawaiian flavour, she'll thank you later.

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With those two out of the way, how about we actually go to the main event? Do Vegans have these mythical, stronger dongs?

Do vegans have stronger dongs?

What's a more better subject to test a vegan diet on than a 19 year old teenager in puberty? No one! 19 is one of the golden years that someone is all over the place wanting to, and to be less graphic, spill their seed. Heck, at 19 I remember just wanting to spill the seed at the very mere look of something that remotely looked like a female as cloud formations formed. I'm sure, all other people that age too. At that age, your main concern is how to hide what's constantly wanting to be revealed and to not give in to every single urge! Years of practice I still apply today of course.

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It takes a lot of will power...

So what happens then when a 19 year old, healthy guy goes on a vegan diet for 3 years?

"We present the case of a 19-y-old...with sudden onset of loss of libido and erectile dysfunction after the ingestion of large quantities of soy-based products in a vegan-style diet. Blood levels of free and total testosterone and dehydroepiandrosterone (DHEA) were taken at the initial presentation for examination and continuously monitored up to 2 y after discontinuation of the vegan diet. Blood concentrations of free and total testosterone were initially decreased, whereas DHEA was increased. These parameters normalized within 1 y after cessation of the vegan diet. Normalization of testosterone and DHEA levels was paralleled by a constant improvement of symptoms; full sexual function was regained 1 y after cessation of the vegan diet"
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Read that last line again!!! 1 YEAR it took him after he decided to quit the vegan diet to actually REGAIN NORMAL FUNCTION!? Holy Christmas Tree! So that kiddo, lost one good year of sexual activity, at 20, to fully enjoy sex BECAUSE OF A VEGAN DIET?! Screw that!!!

But what IF that diet didn't have soy and was just meatless with raw fruit and vegetables, what then huh?

Then you'd have a pretty low fat diet, which that guy above in the video recommended. After all, it's probably the fat that clogs your arteries right? Here's a few facts to consider:

FAT IS NEEDED in the body to PRODUCE SEX HORMONES! Testosterone for instance is derived from Cholesterol, and I'm sure we can all agree that testosterone must be high instead of low for one to enjoy sex and have a "strong dong".

I've already discussed in detail what happens when you go to low fat dieting HERE so I'll just recap some of the main details what happens to testosterone levels when one switches to a low fat diet.

One study looks at first of all what happens when males eat a high fat diet, then switch to a low fat diet for 8 weeks.

“...production rates for T showed a downward trend while on low-fat diet modulation…We conclude that reduction in dietary fat intake (and increase in fiber) results in 12% consistent lowering of circulating androgen levels” (2)
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This is what happens to a man after a year of doing a vegan diet with no meat. He wore a dress to get some meat possibly at a sleazy motel. Don't let this be you. Eat meat or have it force fed to you.

Strong dong? 12% less strong!
Think it's just an isolated case? Think again:

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“The concentrations of serum total and free testosterone were studied in 30 healthy, middle-aged men during a dietary intervention program. When men were transferred from their customary diet to an experimental diet, which contained less fat with a higher polyunsaturated/saturated ratio and more fibre, there was a significant decrease in serum total testosterone concentrations” (3)

And what about the "less blood flow" clogging of arteries so you want get a strong dong ordeal?

Want the short? That's a load of crap, and it isn't true. Of course, you aren't just going to take my word for it though, so let me dose you with some test subjects going on a high fat diet. Not just any test subjects either!

twenty three patients had atherosclerotic cardiovascular disease, had been treated with statins, 15 of them had ovary syndrome and 8 had reactive hypoglycemia. They all had no starches and had a diet high in fat.
I think the best people to demonstrate just how bad fat is, is people who could very well be killed by "clogging their blood/arteries" don't you agree?

The result? They lost fat during the study, AND they actually improved their health!

”An HSF-SA (high saturated fat-no starch) diet results in weight loss after 6 weeks without adverse effects on serum lipid levels verified by nuclear magnetic resonance, and further weight loss with a lipid-neutral effect may persist for up to 52 weeks” (4)
Again, this is NOT an isolated case! The high fat helps with endothelial markers (the markers that checks if your blood is clogged and blood flow through the almighty magic dong). Let's look at one more study aimed to this impotence in which you speak:

“The effect of an LC (high-saturated fat low carbohydrate) on markers of endothelial function and cardiovascular disease (CVD) risk was compared with that of an isocaloric high-carbohydrate, low-saturated-fat diet (HC)” (5)

The results? “Endothelial markers, E- and P selectin, intracellular and cellular-adhesion molecule-1, tissue-type plasminogen activator, and plasminogen activator inhibitor-1 decreased”. (5)

Again, I've discussed this already at length on my blog post about if fats clog your arteries, and what type of "fat" really does clog your arteries. Check that out HERE.

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Asking the important questions.

So the nutshell of a low fat raw fruit and vegetable vegan diet is?

You WON'T have a magical dong. You'll probably just be doing the sucking since your testosterone is so low that if your name was Ben you might as well change your name to Beverly (especially if you had the soy with it).

The real facts on eating red meat and "impotency"

If you haven't already figured it by now, fat in meat is great, and is needed. NEEDED! Not only will it help your testosterone levels, but it'll even help with your mood. A better mood means better sex too right? I don't want this article to be longer than what already is and would be so if you really don't believe me on that red meat for instance does all those awesome things and still think it gives you cancer, then read my post about that HERE.

Speaking of moods...Let's get into another one of these myths...

Vegans have more sensitivity

Well of course they do, if you're going to count on vegans being so goddamned depressed all the time. Go scroll up and look at my soy article and you'll already see that testosterone is lowered and estrogen levels are more high. When estrogen levels are high and testosterone levels are down, not to mention deficiency in vitamins that effect the brain and other hormones by eschewing food groups, then you're almost certain to be sensitive....so sensitive that you'll cry and become your girlfriend's girlfriend and not boyfriend, or if you're a girl, you'll be someone's 24/7 drama instead.

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Sensitive skin? You'll have problems there if you're protein deficient for starters. If you aren't getting sufficient protein your IGF levels actually are decreased and that means you'll have problems growing your hair, skin and nails efficiently. But okay, for arguments sake let's say you do have enough protein in your diet but you avoid all the fats...Sensitive skin? Who knows? Great skin though? Nope. Healthy fats are needed for the skin!

One more tidbit. You don't have to be a science geek to know this but, your nerves in your body are very important. How important is it? Well, if you you're nerves completely stopped that means you can't move or contract a muscle. A muscle ranging from your HEART all the way to, yep, your dong. Phospholipids in fat are NEEDED to ensure that the neurons are firing properly and efficiently, so if you're low in fat with your diet how then can you say that your neurons are functioning optimally? How can you say your Dong is "contracting" optimally too? You can't, dumbass.

Which brings me to his final "gem". Connecting with your mate intelligently. If your neurons aren't firing, if your brain is missing out on vital minerals, and if you're, well, sexually frustrated and your dong isn't working, how can you honestly say you're going to connect intelligently?

Let's go to the last one which is the most stupidest of them all...

Energy and stamina?

This isn't because you're a vegan. This is because you're not a fat bastard who can't do more than 5 sit ups and because you don't have a heart attack just jogging 3 minutes at a time at what seems like a walk. You want more energy and stamina for the bedroom and sport? TRAIN! Don't be lazy, and get off the damned couch instead of watching Doctor Phil! Sex is a physical activity after all!

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The glorious conclusion to this whole ridiculous claim

You want to know who has better sex huh? Meat eaters or vegans? The people that have the best sex are:

  1. Are actually active and not lazy sloths, that train, and move, and are physcially fit!
  2. Feed their body with what it needs instead of what it wants, and does not exclude meat, fruits, veggies, fats, proteins, or carbohydrates
  3. Knows how to rest and isn't stressed
  4. People that are ACTUALLY sexually active and are NOT talking about how vegans have better sex!

There's no secret to it really. Here's the article in a nutshell:

  • Vegans don't smell better or worse than meat eaters and vice versa.
  • Vegans don't have magic dongs compared to meat eaters, in fact meat eaters would have stronger dongs
  • Vegans do NOT have more energy just based on their vegan diet, what gives one more energy is being fit and living a healthy lifestyle
  • Want to taste better? Eat some pineapple.
  • VEGANS DON'T HAVE BETTER SEX THAN MEAT EATERS!

Eat your meat fruit and vegetables, there's an idea! Get the benefits of all the greens, the fruits and the meat! Holy heck you'd be unstoppable! The next time a vegan argues to you that they have better sex, go look at their boyfriend or girlfriend and look at them right in the eyes as they say that statement...The eyes Chico, they never lie.

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Now, on the flip side, if your partner and you were meat eaters, you wouldn't need to cheat on each other because of the incredible sex...but it'd be so incredible that, well, the eyes chico, they never lie.

PAIN DOESN'T HURT

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REFERENCES
1)Siepmann, T., Roofeh, J., Kiefer, F.W., Edelson, D.G. (2011). Nutrition. Jul-Aug;27(7-8):859-62. doi: 10.1016/j.nut.2010.10.018. Epub 2011 Feb 25.

2) He, J., Ogden, L.G., Bazzano, L.A., Vupputuri, S., Loria, C., Whelton, P.K. (2002). Dietary sodium intake and incidence of congestive heart failure in overweight US men and women: first National Health and Nutrition Examination Survey Epidemiologic Follow-up Study.

3) Hummel, S.L., Symour E.M., Brook, R.D., Kolias, T.J., Sheth, S.S., Rosenblum, H.R., Wells, J.M., Weder, A.B. (2012). Low-sodium dietary approaches to stop hypertension diet reduces blood pressure, arterial stiffness, and oxidative stress in hypertensive heart failure with preserved ejection fraction.

4) Hays, J.H., DiSabatino, A., Gorman, R.T., Vincent, S., Stillabower, M.E. (2003). Effect of a high saturated fat and no-starch diet on serum lipid subfractions in patients with documented atherosclerotic cardiovascular disease. Mayo Clin Proc. Nov;78(11):1331-6.

5) Akers, J.D., Cornett, R.A., Savla, J.S., Davy, K.P., Davy, B.M. (2012). Daily self-monitoring of body weight, step count, fruit/vegetable intake, and water consumption: a feasible and effective long-term weight loss maintenance approach.

Ceps Weston Domingo is a personal trainer and nutritional consultant, and best selling author of the 30 day paleo weight loss plan, 30 day paleo slow cooker recipe cookbook, and (where many recipes like the above was from) The ketogenic diet weight loss plan and recipe cookbook: How to lose weight fast, meal plans and 50 recipes the low carbohydrate way

 

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